My Goth evolution part 1: Inception

How a run-in with the most beautiful woman I've ever seen during my 90s childhood visit to Boston helped me fit in.

I wanted to write very specifically about this past Mercury Retrograde, but I’m not an immediately reflective person in that sense. Still processing I suppose. I’ll have some clarity as time goes on, in flashbacks when the outcomes of it become more evident in my daily life, but to go back and rehash it so soon sounds so boring.

It did absolutely rock my world this time. Beyond the usual lethargy and brain fog and technological mayhem, I don't ever find Mercury Retrogrades that transcendent. More of a nuisance. Meant to humble us through hindrance. As if Mercury himself is saying “See what you can do without me then!” in order to return triumphant and resplendent to a collective “Thank God!” (literally).

I’m happy to report however that this last one was different for once... I’m actually forever changed again. I’m certain that I will never go back to my pre-Retrograde Summer 2025 person. I now find her foolish and totally consumed by having consumed too much. I was not myself for a very long time. Humiliating.

I had planned my Summering this year in the depths of misery the year prior but took note about avoiding the mid-summer celestial Retrograde traffic jam. I couldn't avoid it entirely- or rather I could- but what's the fun in that? I started on my 15 hour drive home with my children on the last day of our holiday the very day Retrograde began. With it hot on my tail I made it home, managing to outrun any bad luck, flat tires, wrong turns, etc. Gloomy skies gathered above our hometown’s city skyline as we approached our exit, and a thunderstorm began. We tumbled out of our rental car, all sand and sleeping bags souvenirs and dirty laundry. Seth texted me ironically “Did you guys bring this rain home with you?” and then I absolutely descended into one of the darkest states of surrender I’ve experienced in my life.

Suddenly, everything felt totally miserable again… and I began to revel in that. And back in that familiar place, for the first time in many years, I remembered how lucky this world is to have me in it at all...

I recognized at a very young age, actually and (to be Frank- no pun intended as that’s my dad’s name.) I've always known it is not to be the White Light so many wellness and spiritual people in my demographic aspire to embody now.

I remembered what I’d known so passionately as a young girl... it is to be, as the Black Widow tattooed on my right hand was meant to make me remember no-matter-what. Something odd and dark… peaceful, beautiful and powerful still.

THE BEGINNING

When I was about 9 years old my paternal grandpa took us all to Boston for my godmother’s graduation at Boston University. She was there studying Psychology and it had been mentioned that one of her motivations for that was having dealt with me as a child. Her and I were very close, especially after my Mother left Ohio to pursue her own academic career.